Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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