I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
