I'm lost and stupid without you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
