Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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