My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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