So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
