You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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