No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
