Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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