I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize