While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
are you so shy because you have an std?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
