the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
