I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
