I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we should paint friendship bongs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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