I have demons in me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
