My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
