WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
