I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
