just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
