Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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