maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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