I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
