shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
