I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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