Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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