Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
