I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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