In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
