the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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