ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
