I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The uberlube is also flammable
Randomize
