nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
