Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
