Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
