I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
