I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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