having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
