If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
