You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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