Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
