I met the friendliest cop last night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
