Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
