They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
