she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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