life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
