DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just had sex on a roof
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
