I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
