How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
