this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
