Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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