I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
