dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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