there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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