this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
