I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
