YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
