I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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