I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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