Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
